I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
