Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
