He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
