Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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