drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
