you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize