I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i now understand why vodka
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
