he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
