Sry I called you an 8
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
