I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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