I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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