There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
