I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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