gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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