so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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