Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
