Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
