Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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