your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
