Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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