Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
