i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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