When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't turn off my feet"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
