his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
