I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
