Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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