When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
