Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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