fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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