sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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