I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
