Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
