you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
