Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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