Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
