It's like God shit irony all over that family
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
