He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
