the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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