im about as happy as oj after his trial
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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