Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
