is your mom at the bar?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
