My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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