I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
