i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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