they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
