I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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