I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
