if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
