so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
