We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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