Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
