now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
