well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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