the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize