Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
