just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
