well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
