also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
