Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
