TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry about my life...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
