I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
