So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just high enough for therapy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
