so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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