Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize