Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
